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When your relationship or marriage is going downhill, you have to learn to take time to pause, ponder over your relationship circumstance, and look for solution instead of mistakes.

Whatever you do, focus on holding tight to your partner's hand, so that he or she will not be beaten by the destructive forces that are coming their way and hurting the relationship.

It is well for us to understand that genuine love is not a simple, definite feeling that can be easily comprehended and controlled.

It is a delicate compound of many of our most powerful tendencies and emotions. To love is not a simple or voluntary act; it is a life of spontaneous, complex and continuous activities.

True love between man and woman may manifest itself suddenly, forcefully and almost simultaneously in the consciousness of each. There is no doubt that many couples mutually "fall in love at first sight." On the other hand, genuine love may be a matter of slow growth, requiring months to unfold and years to mature.

Some of the most delightful marriage unions known have resulted from a slowly developing love. Some persons are very susceptible to the charms of physical beauty or to the attractions of character, and immediately surrender to them when opportunity offers.

Others are slow to receive impressions, distrustful or appearances and cautious in all that pertains to so important a matter.

Many relationship cases of "love at first sight", with almost an immediate marriage, have proven entirely harmonious; but such spontaneous and rapid alliances are comparatively rare, and more rarely satisfactory.

As a rule, it is much wiser for young couples, even though they may feel irresistibly drawn toward each other, to meet many times under various circumstances before concluding that they are really so completely in love with each other as to marry.

Frequent meetings, with opportunities for a careful study of each other's tastes and peculiarities, the inevitable friction of mind with mind in repeated conversations, and such disclosures of principles, desires and habits as will inevitably result from repeated association and increased knowledge of each other's ambitions and deepest longings.

For myself, the occasional accidental or prearranged meetings with my partner and long time friend, when are deeply interested in each other and dreaming of love - the walks and rides taken together, the public gatherings attended in each other's company - all contribute not only to an increased knowledge of each other's character, but also tend to harmonize and blend our tastes, principles, purposes.

When things went wrong, I often asked myself, "What exactly happened when he strays? What exactly contributed to our conflicts when everything seemed to be going so well for us? What had I done to allow another person to come into our lives so easily and quickly??"

I've come to a conclusion.

And my discoveries could well give you some insights which you can adopt and adapt to your own relationship circumstances.

I've discovered I myself cannot help but be attracted to another person who can confirm my doubts, fears and suspicions.

In fact, if there is one other person who can grab my attention and remove my focus away from my mate, this WILL be a person who knows this unusual and little known secret.

You do not need to take a great deal of time to understand this secret. In fact, it has often been used by leaders who can persuade and motivate large masses of people. It could also have been used by one of your closest friends, on YOU!

Now, think about this, in your daily life, are you saying all of these or behaving in these ways during your interaction with your partner/spouse:

~ When your mate claims that he (she) is tired, instead of assessing the situation, do you immediately and impatiently blame him/her for being lazy or inconsiderate?

~ When your mate expresses his/her fear of giving that big presentation for the company the next day, do you ask him/her to just get over it and work hard on polishing the speech tonight?

~ When your partner complains to you about the unfair treatment he/she is receiving from the vendor from whom he has bought his ipod, do you say "serves you right for not listening to my advice about buying from that vendor", or, do you say "well, he needs to do business", and then you proceed to give him some "moral" lessons which he can take away with him tonight?

I certainly have made all these mistakes.

By dismissing my partner's feelings, doubts, fears or even suspicions, I leave myself (and my partner) vulnerable to my rivals who knowingly (or unknowingly) are able to make use of these simple principles.

Many parents too have made this mistake with their children, perhaps unknowingly. I remembered when I told my mother that "I'm scared of the test tomorrow"; she gave me a scolding, for not working hard for my test earlier. "You wouldn't feel unprepared and fearful if you had done your work!" was all she could say.

Naturally, I found myself listening more to my friends and classmates than to her. If I confided in my friends with the same statement, they would tell me, "Look. It won't be easy. I'm not well prepared too. But, we can do something about it!"

If you take some time to think about it, it wouldn't be difficult to understand why I would listen more to my friends than to my parents. I got the feeling "hey, we are on the same boat! YOU are the only one who understands me (my feelings!)"

My friends have more power over me than my parents. And all the while my parents are puzzled why "I'm so disobedient!"

This also explains why people leave long term relationships and marriages for another person who are able to "understand them" better than their current partners!

 

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When you're fresh into a hard breakup and you feel like you've just had your heart ripped out and stepped on, it can be very hard to pick up the pieces and come up with a plan to pull your life back together and get your ex back. Likely you don't know where to even begin, much less how to work out a full idea of what you need to do to find happiness again.

Things look a lot brighter when you have someone to hold your hand through the rough times, and getting your ex back can be one of the most confusing and difficult things you ever try to achieve in your life...but only if you don't know what you're doing.

There's a pretty easy process you can use to get your ex back...people behave in certain ways so closely that there's almost a science to it, and performing certain actions can be almost guaranteed to achieve specific results. Simply put, people just work a certain way....and you can use that to close the gaps between you and the one you love, and get your life back on track with him or her.

Men and women both have particular things they need out of a relationship, and if they don't get them the relationship is very unlikely to succeed. Your partner probably broke up with you because one or more of these needs weren't being met, and if you can identify them and how to address them it'll be far easier to get your ex back and what's more...keep the relationship going.

The Magic of Making Up is just one of a great many books out there designed to help you get your ex back, but unlike the majority of them its methods and ideas work for virtually all relationships. If there's a chance that the two of you are compatible enough to have a happy life together, there's a great chance that the system will work for you if you put your heart into it.

Your ex made one thing clear: you two will not work as you both are...and it's not going to be him who changes. Therefore, this is all in your hands and you're the only one you can count on to make this come out all right in the end. You just need a helping hand to know where to go and what to do from here, and that's what this process is here for!

To learn more information about this proven effective process, take a look at the free articles and advice about the Magic of Making Up System. You don't have to go this alone, visit the website and take advantage of a helpful guide for getting through this and coming out on top. Good luck, I hope you find the happiness you once had with the one you love.

http://tinyurl.com/How-to-win-your-love-back

http://tinyurl.com/win-your-ex-lover-back

 

 

I read somewhere that one of the reasons marriages fail is because couples aren't spending enough time together. And I can really believe it. We live such busy lives. There are so many things that demand our attention during the waking hours of our days.. If we spend 8 hours sleeping, that means that we have 16 hours awake. For most people 10.5 of those 16 hours are spent at work and commuting to and from work. This gives us only about 4.5 of our waking hours to spend with our family, on our out of work activities, and sometimes on ourselves. If we have children, they take a great deal of our attention after work especially for most working mothers (and some working fathers). This gives us very little time each day to spend with our spouses. My colleague says that he knows me as much and better than my husband because he spends more time with me than my husband does. It's true that I spend more hours in the same physical location with him than my husband, but it's not true that he knows me more or really spends more time with me. My husband and I learnt a secret a long time ago when we first got married.

Spending time together starts with the mind and it involves communication.

Do you know that you can be with someone every single moment of the day, in the same physical location, but be apart in your mind? How many of us have taken trips to an exotic location in our minds while we were at work? By the look of some people's faces in church sometimes, you can tell that they're in another part of town holdng a conversation with somebody. Their bodies are physically present, but their minds and attention are miles away. When my husband and I just got married, we spent over a year apart because he was in the United Kingdom, and my travel papers hadn't come through for me to join him. We didn't have access to technology that we do today like email and SMS and the phone system in my country of birth was not anything to write home about.

Talking to him at that time over the phone was a major event which involved me going to the national communication building at the centre of the city. At the time, the place was usually full of people queuing up for their three-minute time slots at the very un-private booths where they were trying to quickly shout down their long distant messages before their three minutes were up. I couldn't really say the things I wanted to do. It was too stressful and unsatisfying so we stopped. But, because I wanted to keep communicating with him, I began to write. I wrote long letters and I wrote short letters. He wrote back to me as well. Because I was thinking about him and he was thinking about me, even though we had limited communication resources, we spent time together through the words we wrote to each other. We were exchanging our thoughts and feelings through our words.

I heard about a couple who had serious problems with this issue of spending time together. The man was a travelling sales man and his wife stayed at home during the time he was away. He would come back on Friday night and leave again on Sunday evening. During his time on the road, they hardly communicated with each other. When he got home, he would spend most of Saturday pottering in his toolshed and then spend the evening with his friends. The weekend was his time to relax and unwind and he didn't want to spend it talking about "heavy" issues or making conversation with his wife. They were a disconnected couple. They had grown apart and were living separate lives. His wife was desparately unhappy about the situation and tried to talk to him about it, but he became defensive because he felt that she was trying to put pressure on him during the only time he could rest throughout the week.

The problem with this couple was not the time spent away from each other, the problem was that the separation started in their minds. If they had both formed a practice of sending each other emails or calling everyday to share the way their days had gone or their thoughts and feelings, despite the distance between their physical locations, they would not have grown apart. I can remember my mum remarking to me during the time I was running a home-based business that I talked more with my husband when he was at work than when he was at home. We had made it a practice to talk for at least 30 minutes together everyday. Not all at once, but at various times of the day. We don't do so that much now because of our current work place restrictions, but we do exchange emails throughout the day. Even if we don't have anything to share at the time, we just say "How are you?" or "I love you", etc. This means that we don't have to make an effort to re-connect with each other at the end of our working day. If husbands took this tip, they would be surprised at the response they get from their wives at night.

There is a couple that I respect greatly. Their lives and words and have been a source of tremendous inspiration to my family and I. Their example lets me know that a marriage can still flourish and grow even when distance separates people. They speak to each other everyday and end their conversations with "I love you." They are in constant communication with each other because there's no separation in their minds. I observe that they're closer to each other than some others who see each other everyday. Many of us know the story of the Duke of Orleans who was the one of the earliest creators of valentine cards. He had been taken as a prisoner in 1415 during the battle of Agincourt. Despite his many years of imprisonment in the Tower of London, he wrote and sent many rhyming love letters to his wife in France. The distance couldn't keep their hearts apart. I think it would have been difficult for them to lose their love because they were spending time together by the only means of communication they had.

If the life you live is a very busy one, you need to find out how you can spend time with your spouse. Your relationship really depends on it. Even if most of your waking hours during the day are taken doing other things, or you have to put up with a long-distant relationship, you need to spend time with each other. Here are some ideas to help you out...

- Give yourself at least one evening a week with the TV off to just talk about big things and small things.
- Engage in late night or early morning pillow talk.
- Plan for an occasional night or weekend break. You don't need to travel, you can book into a local hotel.. Some people call it overnight honeymoon.
- Communicate by email or SMS during the day.

Doing these things help you keep your minds on each other. It helps you enjoy your spouse's presence in your life.. It affirms their significance in your life and keeps your relationship vibrant and alive. But remember it starts with the mind.

 

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Married with kids? Lost the romance in your life? Have intimate moments and uninterrupted lovemaking become a thing of the past? Do you sometimes wonder if you ever knew each other and do you just yearn for the odd candlelit dinner, special moment in front of a roaring fire or just an evening with your feet up drinking wine?

With the children around have you just forgotten what it’s like to have some good adult fun?

So often you hear stories of the great love life that once was and that has just become a distant memory after years of putting the children first. If life is beginning to get you down and you are in desperate need of some light adult relief now is the time to make an effort and get some personal and relationship time back into your life.

If you are faking sexual enjoyment or constantly saying no just because you have lost the time, energy and desire now is the time to put your marriage first and resolve one of those common marriage problems that can develop into real relationship killers.

My advice to couples that are struggling with the intimate side of their marriage is to rearrange the priorities in their life. Make time to be together, no matter how much you love your children you need time without them, time to enjoy adult company and time to be alone.

Your marriage needs to move up your list of priorities, don’t wait for spontaneity, it just isn’t going to happen, when can it when the children are around? Learn to plan time together, arrange for someone else to look after the kids, plan for all your children to be visiting friends at the same time, have a reciprocal arrangement with friends or neighbours which allows you both to have some relationship time. Look at summer camps and kids clubs and any other activities that your children will enjoy leaving you free and relaxed to enjoy each others company.

Couples with children often become concerned about the loss of intimacy, the relaxed lovemaking and romantic evenings they enjoyed earlier in their marriage. It's a common marriage problem but certainly not impossible to resolve.

Don’t just assume that once the kids have grown up you will be able to work on your marriage. I can tell you for sure it just won’t happen. Just look at the number of marriages that end in divorce once the children left home and look at the number of loveless lonely marriages that exist just for the sake of the kids.

Your children are precious and should be cherished and adored but your relationship is where it all started, where the love between you and your partner created such special lives. Don’t let the balance swing towards your children at the expense of your marriage. Your children don’t need you 24/7 they need to know that you are there if they need you. If you asked them would they really begrudge the time that you need to give to your relationship if they knew that they would have two parents rather than one!

Is not making time for each other really that good for the kids when it means you are constantly arguing, not speaking or avoiding each other because you’ve let your marriage go to the dogs? Becoming parents shouldn’t mean no romance, no love and no sex, it just means you need to learn to make time for those intimate moments that could ultimately lighten up your life and save your marriage.

For a start, make sure you make time each day for cuddle, even if it’s ten minutes after the children have gone to bed. Always kiss each other hello and goodbye, caress each other as you pass (the odd fleeting caress when the children aren’t looking is exciting and can heighten desire, it will focus your mind beyond the more mundane chores that come with parenthood). Flirt with each other, rent a romantic movie and watch it after the kids have gone to bed. Plan to be alone for the odd evening, afternoon or even a weekend.

Schedule personnel time, get your hair done, go shopping for yourself not the kids, by the odd present for your partner, do all those things that used to make you feel special.

If you feel good about yourself you will feel good about your relationship and if you feel good about your relationship you will spend more time focusing on how to get time alone and what to do when it happens. Who needs spontaneity when less time together means that every moment is that much more special……

 

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In a marriage, no one cannot escape from the reality that quirks appear sometimes. This is normal for a marriage to encounter this matter. However, there are few couples who cannot handle the situation but are willing to save their relationship. In this matter, they will still choose a decision to keep their relationship. Marriage is very important most specially if there are kids in the family. If they can't handle it, they can ask somebody to help them. They should seek professional help from marriage counselors.

Marriage is obviously a tough thing to handle. In many cases one partner will seek professional advices more than the other. This is very important and also a good way to handle marriage problem. It is healthy that one has the strength to undertake marriage counseling by attending sessions, opens up the problem, listens carefully with the professional advises and follow it correctly.

Counseling is a form of confrontation that talks about the problem on marriage. Couple sometimes experience difficulties in dealing with the married life. A counselor is of good help to them as he or she opens up and touches lives to bring out things that in many ways affect the harmonious relationship of both parties.

It is very important to choose a marriage counselor to which you can relay all your marriage problems. You should feel comfortable with this person so you can convey trust in the counselor. You must check the credentials of the person you want to help you with your concern. You choose clear out your mind before going to counselors. It is also important to ask yourself with the reason why you want to undergo counseling. Aside from that you must set the things that you want to achieve. You must be willing to give your best to be able to help yourself as well.

Before you undergo this kind of counseling, you must be determined to change whatever is available for you to change. You must be willing to change yourself for the better. Get away with your anxiety and listen carefully to what the counselor tells you. A good persona guides a person who is under anxiety to the process of making the needed changes.

Many people want to experience instant gratification without undergoing the different process. This is impossible; one must be willing to undertake processes to successfully attain the main goal. Of course, it will take time and persuasions. But soon after, you will experience the benefit of it. It is important to realize that your problem is not happening all the time therefore it will really take time to overcome it.

The most important thing in a successful marriage is having faith and trust to one another. Whatever issues that a married couple experiences, they can overcome it if they want them to. You should always believe that problems can be solved for the improvement of your relationship. In this point counseling is needed badly to keep the marriage together.

Counseling is a very useful tool in seeking the most reasons to keep the marriage. You should realize that perfection also does not exist in a married life. So, what ever the situation is, always involve yourself in the counseling process. Have faith, be patient and life a happy married life.

 

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Why It's Called a Breakup
by Amy Waterman, Relationships Expert

A few months ago, I read Greg Behrendt's book on breakups, It's Called A Breakup Because It's Broken. I am a huge fan of He's Just Not That Into You, and I expected great things from the sequel.

It disappointed me. Not because the information wasn't good. Not because the style wasn't lively and engaging.

It was simply because nothing was revolutionary.

He's Just Not That Into You revolutionized my perspective on dating. Friends who read it suddenly "got" why previous relationships had dissolved. Greg explains that the simple reason why some relationships stuck together and others didn't was because the guys who are really into you want to be with you ... no matter WHAT.

Why didn't he call after the second date? He just wasn't that into you.
Why did he dump you? Because no matter how he claimed he felt about you, he just wasn't that into you.
Why should you not want him back? Because breaking up with you proved that he's not into you as much as you deserve.

The latter is the entire topic of It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken.

How a woman deals with a breakup tests her emotional maturity more than any other scenario. In order to grow as a woman, you MUST learn how to deal with breakups well, without poisoning your ability to love again. That's why studying this topic is so important.

At Triple O Relationships, we receive emails from so many women wanting to know how to get their previous boyfriend back. In fact, it would be fair to say that getting an ex back is one of the top three issues women hope we'll solve.

The problem is that 99.9% of these exes aren't worth having back. Many of them are abusive, have a personal life in shambles, are already with another woman, or have proven through their actions that they're unable to act in a mature way in a relationship or make the commitment to trying to become a better person and partner.

Yet these women would prefer to be with an imperfect partner than to be alone. Of course they would.

We all prefer the demon we know. Being single again means facing the dating scene, the lack of someone to depend on, no one to cuddle with, and putting on false bravery to one's friends. It is stressful, lonely, and hard to be single. It's an emotional challenge to feel fulfilled when there is no "special someone" in your life to whom you can give the gift of your abundant love.

But Greg's answer to the situation isn't adequate, either.

In his book, Greg tells us, "You deserve better than that ex of yours. He just wasn't that into you; otherwise, he wouldn't have broken up with you. Never settle for that. Demand a man who's truly into you."

Is getting over a breakup really that simple?

I don't think it is.

Don Miguel Ruiz, in The Mastery of Love, explains that the amount of abuse we tolerate in a partner is equal to the amount of abuse we heap on ourselves. If a woman is used to telling herself that she's ugly, that she fails at everything she tries, and that she's not capable of performing in the world without someone holding her hand, then she'll accept--and even feel most comfortable with--a man who reinforces these beliefs.

For example, if your partner makes a cutting comment about the horrible dinner you cooked that night, and one of your beliefs about yourself is that you are a bad cook, then you will accept his comment and berate yourself even more for not being better in the kitchen. If, on the other hand, you feel quite self-assured about your competence in the kitchen, you will challenge him on it and refuse to let his rudeness slide.

As a result, many women find it difficult to set higher standards for themselves in the dating world without re-evaluating how well they treat themselves.

Women who have a litany of negative self-comments running through their heads will accept partners who criticize them.

Women who don't value or respect themselves will accept partners who don't value or respect them either.

So what should we do?

Greg does his best to pump up our self-esteem. He calls us all "Superfoxes." He wants all of us women grieving over breakups to believe that we are totally hot babes who deserve princes. But (to point out the obvious) Greg doesn't know each of his readers personally. Greg's belief that I am a Superfox isn't enough to transform whatever personal beliefs I have inside about myself.

The 000 Relationships perspective on breakups is much more simple. Yes, women need to improve their sense of self-worth. Yes, women need to set realistically high standards when choosing partners. However, the only thing that women need to know when a breakup occurs is this.

It wasn't meant to be.

Can I repeat that? It wasn't meant to be.

If he decides that he no longer wants to be with you, then clearly it wasn't meant to be.

Let me explain.

A relationship is composed of two people. When one of those people backs out, then there is no longer a relationship. Even if the two people decide at a later date to get back together, they aren't simply continuing the old relationship. That's over. They are starting a new relationship, with new rules, that may be completely different from what they had in the past.

The number one thing women need when a breakup occurs is faith that things are happening as they are meant to happen, according to the Divine Plan that the Divine Power has for each one of us.

For me, my faith in the Divine helps me accept when life takes a different path to the one I desire. It doesn't mean I'm fatalistic. On the contrary. When I am in a relationship, I am actively seeking to improve it, to be the best partner I can be, and to grow in love.

But I am in the relationship ONLY to give my gift of love and learn how to give that gift better. I am NOT in the relationship to ask for what I give to be given back to me.

Most people, unfortunately, operate on the barter principle of love.

• I'll give you love if you give me love.
• If I give you love that isn't returned, then you owe me.
• If I give you love, and you throw it back in my face and walk away, then I have the right to hate you, because you're a bad person for not wanting to accept my love.

That's just plain ugly.

If you want to learn to face a breakup maturely and grow even more beautiful, more loving, and more open as a result, then this is what you need to do.

Love through the breakup. Love him. Love him even though he isn't yours. Send all your love to him as best wishes for his future. Use the opportunity to grow in love and embrace all that was best in yourself when you were with him.

Don't let the poison of the dying relationship enter your soul. Don't take away from the relationship the arguments, the hurtful things he said or did, and the mistakes made. You can forget those now. It's over.

Just take away the beautiful things. Take away how you felt in your best moments. Take away how you felt your heart open, how you learned to give him more than you'd ever given anyone else.

Then let him go with love.

I firmly believe that whatever happens, happens for a reason, and I trust that the reason lies in the Divine. I don't have to know why a man broke up with me; I simply have faith that God is leading us both down the right path for each of us.

So when a man breaks up with you, all you need to do is recognize that this particular relationship wasn't meant to be (even though you may start a new one later down the track with the same person) and let the decision rest with the Divine. Believe, if it helps, that he wasn't the one who dumped you; it was the Divine Spirit acting through him for the benefit of you both.

It's called a breakup because life has different paths for you at the moment. Breakups don't have to hurt. They're only about rejection if you make them about rejection. You have the power inside yourself to decide how you are going to make meaning of the end of your relationship.

If you are a mature woman, you will bid him goodbye and bless his future with all of your continued love, and then you will turn to the Divine and meditate on the what possible plan the Divine has for you that requires your newfound freedom.

If you are like most women, you will despise him, transform all the love you once had into hate, focus on the pain, and let your self-esteem plummet in the face of rejection.

Which choice do you prefer?

http://tinyurl.com/how-to-attract-women-and-men

 

Why Do Women Love James Bond?
by Joseph Matthews

QUESTION FROM A READER:

Is there a difference between a Nice Guy and a Gentleman? I consider myself a gentleman. Unfortunately I don't know how to tease girls or flirt, I haven't acquired the skills YET. So I act like a gentleman.

Kyle

MY RESPONSE

Let me give you a brief language lesson...

The word "Gentleman" is really a combination of two words:

GENTLE and MAN.

Gentle can be defined as "affable, agreeable, benign, meek, trained... and nice."

Man can be defined as "boy, chap, dude, or... guy."

GENTLE MAN = NICE GUY.

The concept that the two are any different at all just doesn't work.

Saying you're a "gentleman" who doesn't know how to flirt, is the same as saying "I'm a man who likes to be nice to women and get nothing in return."

Now, if that's what you want, by all means, consider yourself a "gentleman."

You'll get a lot of nice smiles, and "thank yous" from the women...

Right before they go home with another guy who ISN'T YOU.

But here's where I think you're getting confused...

You don't NEED to be a jerk to easily attract women. It is possible to be NICE to women and have them be attracted to you.

But you can't simply be a sexually-neutered "nice guy" or "gentle man."

You NEED to have an aspect of male sexuality to your personality (i.e. flirting and teasing).

For instance...

Think of James Bond for a second if you will.

Here's a guy who'd be considered a "gentleman."

He's suave, smooth, and sophisticated.

But he's also IRRESISTIBLE to women. Why?

Because he has a lusty glare. He has a sly smirk. He speaks with double entendre. He teases the woman he's talking to. He emphasizes his sexuality.

And if you ask women if they would consider James Bond a "gentleman," they would totally say "YES!"

So what separates you from James Bond?

(Well, besides the fact you're not a secret agent for the British Government.)

Simple:

IT'S KNOWING HOW TO FLIRT!

Flirting isn't just for women! Men MUST do it if they want to attract a potential partner.

Being a good flirt is about embracing your own sexual nature as a man.

Now, this can be difficult if you're not used to it. But trust me, women love it!

If you think you're stuck being a "nice guy" or consider yourself a "gentleman," but don't find yourself having any real success with women, just use this simple rule:

WWBD.

WHAT WOULD BOND DO?

Would he stand a little closer to a woman than the average man would?

Would he look at her lustfully?

Would he smile and joke about sex with her?

Would he take the lead, grab her by the hand, and lead her to someplace more intimate?

The possibilities are endless when you know how to flirt and tease a woman.

If you don't know how to do this, you are really hindering your ability to attract the woman you desire.

If you want to get serious, and really want to create powerful attraction in any women, check out my book The Art Of Approaching.

In it, you'll find out the best way to flirt with a woman, so you'll never get stuck being a "nice guy" again.

Just click the link right below now:

Click Here To Start Meeting Beautiful Women Right Now!

Don't waste another second being a "gentleman." It's time for you to be BOND.

Yours,

Joseph Matthews

 

I was apparently born mildly depressed. I've always known low energy and a very low amount of enthusiasm. I'm 53 years old and I only beat depression for good two years ago.

What a long time for my wife to live with someone depressed! In the beginning, we didn't know any better. The critical sullenness that became more prevalent over the years was tempered with hope that the next job, or the next move, or even the next TV show would shake me out of it.

How I regret that she had to put up with my mood all those years!

What about your relationship? Is there hidden depression? Is it out in the open? Now is the time to face it. Let's not put it off any longer.

We're not talking here about situational depression, that some call a case of having the "blues." Situational depression comes, but then it goes. Right now we're talking about the real thing that hangs on and on.. The person's mood is chronically low, self esteem suffers, and there is a pervasive negativity.

It may be "Major Depression" which is the big deal, or more likely, it may just be like mine: a chronic inability to take joy out of life, while otherwise being able to function just fine.

I always looked for distractions. Television was a common avoidance mechanism. Sugar was a payoff for feeling "low." Caffeine was the stimulant of choice. And, my relationship with my wife was more often a "should do" rather than a "want to" or a "get to."

What about you or your partner? Are there too many distractions? Are there things that get too much attention while your relationship suffers? Are there any addictions starting to show: alcohol, drugs, over-eating, over-working, or over-something?

There are many things that can cause some of these problems other than depression, but if you suspect depression, mild or severe, consider these things:

1. Talk it over with your doctor, minister, or counselor. You may need more than one opinion. Mild depression is so normal that some professionals will just dismiss it. It's fine to feel good about quick assurances, but it is also OK to seek a second opinion.

2. Increase your exercise routine as a couple. Exercise releases those feel good chemicals called endorphins and elevates mood. It's also a positive activity to do together that builds positive expectations for being together.

3. Increase your social activities as a couple (unless this is already one of those excessive things.) Depression normally leads to some degree of isolation. Being with people also elevates mood by producing those endorphins. (Hugs do, too, so hug a lot!)

4. If the doctor suggests anti-depressant medication, definately consider it. I first tried such medication around the age of 40. While my results were quite dramatic and out of the norm, it was as though I could see in color for the first time in my life! I suddenly knew what I'd been missing all those years, as well as, what my wife had been missing in me!

5. Buy an inexpensive copy of "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by Dr. David Burns, along with the companion workbook.

This "new" mood therapy isn't so new, since I've been recommending this book for the last 15 years, but it is still the most user-friendly cognitive therapy you can find for depression. It is simple to use, but still a sophisticated approach.

6. Encourage "positive anticipation." This means to look forward to things. We now know that this simple mental exercise causes the brain to secrete more dopamine, a neurotransmitter essential for a better mood.

This mechanism is what really changed my life two years ago. I learned that I can control my mood simply by looking forward to what is before me.

For instance, I might consciously look forward to the experience of writing this newsletter for you. I can enjoy the possibility that a percentage of readers willed be helped. I might anticipate my first client of the day and feel some level of joy that I get to see that person again. And, I will remind myself to look forward with positive expectancy to seeing my wife this evening.

All these conscious choices of "how to be" will add dopamine to my system and will make me feel very good.

Sometimes, just these simple steps will do what you need, but at times it is far more complex. That's why we have professionals to help us out. So, make use of them! I regret the 15 years of married life that could have been so much better if only I knew of the treatment options. I don't want you to have a similar experience!

Depression? Take care of it now. It is so possible to feel good again. I know.

 

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How do you know when it's time for marriage counseling? Easy. Are you in a relationship, even a good one? Then it is time.

Years ago my wife and I participated in an organization called "Marriage Encounter," which emphasized communication techniques. I've always liked its motto: "Making Good Marriages Even Better!"

That's what I hope to emphasize for you today. It's time to make your good relationship even better!

And how do I suggest you do that? If you have a relationship that is doing pretty good and doesn't really need any help, then I want you to go to Marriage Counseling!

You may think that counseling is only for problems, but that's not so. People without all those nasty problems can use the process to create far better lives than they ever imagined.

I so love it when a couple comes to me just to grow. I'll admit that this is usually not the case. It usually takes pain to get people through my office door. But, occasionally, couples come to me just to make their good relationship even better. What fun that is!

So, what does a couple do in therapy if they have no problems to work on? There are SO many things we can do:

-Develop even more sophisticated communication abilities
-Use psychological instruments (tests) to determin differences, simularities, and how to complement each other's personality gifts
-Seek spiritual growth together
-Take time out from the busy-ness of life and become clear on what your common goals are and how you want to get there
-Strategize how you will handle holiday get-togethers with in-laws and other relatives that are not that pleasant to be with

And this is just the beginning. There is so much we can do to improve these marvelous relationships we've been given.

Is it worth the cost? I think of it in terms of the old question at the end of life: Will you wish you had spent more time at work, or more time on your family and marriage?

For most of us, the answer is clear. There is nothing in the end more important than our relationships to the people we treasure.

The cost of taking yourselves to a counselor and working on life together is really nothing compared to the lifetime of joy and wonder that is possible with your partner.

The grocery bill, the car payments, the mortgage, the clothes for the kids and the thousands of other things we feel we must spend our money on will all argue against this couple counseling opportunity.

However, I suggest that it is not an issue of whether you can afford it, but whether you can afford to not do it. Is your relationship really good enough for you, or do you wonder if there is more?

Go for it! Grab all the love and togetherness you can get! And use a counselor to help you see what you may be missing.

 

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